Nothing new under the sun

People are born. They live. They die. It’s that simple right?

I think it would be,  if we had the ability to never remember a single moment of our lives.

Just think, what if? I Never remember my big sister teaching me how to ride a bike. Never remember at the ripe old age of 2 when my mother took me on a picnic. Just her and I. Never remember the shimmering rainbow of colors that seemed to float like butterflies across the beautiful lake water caused by the brightness of the noon day sun. Never remember… 

If only I could never remember…

that since the age of 5 all I wanted to do was play the guitar. Never remember my dad being my biggest fan and always cheering at the top of his lungs for me at all my music gigs back in the early days when I was 17 and played in the grimiest, dirtiest, disgusting places that would make the movie “road house” look like carnegie hall. Never remember my dad telling me how proud he was of me when I became a professional musician.  Never remember…

If only I could never remember…

the phone call I received from my aunt in 1991 telling me that my father was dead. Never remember the deep depression I suffered hearing of his death. Never remember the alcohol I always turned to that numbed me and robbed me of any and all feelings but my two lifelong companions, guilt and self loathing. Never remember my father died and we hadn’t spoken in over 20 years. Never remember…

If only I could never remember…

all the people I hurt through the years. Never remember my ex-wife leaving me because she finally had enough of a physically and emotionally abusive drunk who might kill her, or worse, harm the children. Never remember…

If only I could never remember…

spending the coldest winter on record in the state of New Jersey in the streets of burlington County.

There are a thousand more things I wish I could never remember. But the one thing I can and will not ever forget is… It is all the alcohol I ever drank that makes me wish I could,  Never remember!



Passing On

I just got off the phone with my brother. He told me my mother has stage 4 lung cancer.

I’m numb right now.  I wonder if I should say me too!

(Professor Farnsworth voice), Good news everyone!

I said it would take a Miracle to find something at this time of year and I think I just got it.

I Just got off the phone with one of the places I applied to. Don’t want to jinx it but things are looking up. I’ll keep you posted.

Instead of starting a whole new post I’ll just add to this one once I know more.

Things are falling into place. I received a text from the property manager saying my background check was finished and everything is a go for move in.

The only problem I see at the moment is getting all my stuff there. I’ve accumulated more stuff since the last time I moved so now everything I have won’t fit. I’ll have to leave a  few things in a self storage unit till I can figure a way to get everything to my new home. “I can’t believe I just said that!” HOME! HOME! HOME!

All mine with no psychos to deal with. No barking dogs all day and night.

I have a hunch this will be my last and final move.  I can finally put my head down on my pillow knowing that when I wake up, I’m going to be the only one in my house! I couldn’t be happier.

So far so good. electric company will turn power on in a few days so I won’t be in the dark when I get there. Gotta  call internet company next so I don’t have downtime there. After that, Just got to get me and most of my stuff there and I’m on my way.

I’m nervous but in a good way. I’m renting this place without even seeing what the inside looks like but at this point I really don’t care. I just need to be on my own and this is my chance.

Today’s the first so I’ll start packing things up. gotta be ready to boogie on out of here on the 3rd.

On the road again!

Well , that’s it. I’m through.  I’m out of here on the 3rd of Nov.

I can’t take this mental case any longer. I’d rather be homeless then put up with this.

5 days ago, around 9:30 at night, I hear a loud knock on my door. When I open it, there are 2 police officers standing there. Shocked and confused from both sleep and the fact they were there I asked, “can I help you?” One of the officers says, “we’re just checking on you to make sure you’re ok!”  Still confused I asked, “Ok? Yeah I’m ok. Why do you ask?”

I was informed at that point this psycho had checked himself into a hospital complaining that his sugar levels were to high. The  reason for this he said? I had poisoned his insulin. And believing this to be true, he was going to come BACK to the house and kill me. THAT was the reason for the cops being there.

This is not the kind of life a 58 year old man should be living. Take my advice, avoid renting a room from ANYONE no matter how cheap it is.

Well I don’t know when my next post will be. I  have no idea where I’m going.

I’ve been trying hard to find another place but at this time of year it would be a miracle finding something

I seem to be stuck

Finding a place of my own is not looking good and the weather is beginning to change. If something doesn’t come up soon I’ll be forced to stay here even longer than I planned. I don’t want to be on the street ever again so I’ll just continue to keep my head down and hope for something to come along soon.

Wish me luck as I scourer craigslist trying to find something of my own.


Still looking

well, my quest for a new place to live continues. I’ve been trying to find a place close to this area but it doesn’t look promising.

I’ve been on craigslist everyday to check for new postings. Nothing so far. There are a few cheap places much further south.

I wouldn’t mind moving but I have to make sure my vehicle can get there. One place I’m almost certain I can rent.  But there’s no modern conveniences. (A.K.A Internet, cable) I might take it anyway just to get away from this situation.

I know it’s an adjustment for me and like most people I don’t like change. But I have learned to adapt to just about any circumstance.

It’s time for me to just be completely on my own. Even if that means living in my vehicle the rest of my life.

No matter what happens I’ll adjust. That much I’m sure of.

Well, till next month, stay safe and make sure to find joy in your life where and whenever you can.

I’m Ready!

Well, I’ve made up my mind. I have to move. I can’t take this landlords suspicious and paranoid attitude. He constantly bitches about his X wife tapping into his cellphone. Now he’s accusing me of doing it too. Anything he misplaced, lost or just plain forgot about is now stolen. And he asks me constantly where his stuff is. He’s rummaged through my cabinet that I keep my food in looking for his long lost garlic salt. He totally just threw things around looking for it and didn’t even bother to straighten the shelf up after looking and finding nothing.

Just the other day I took spareribs out of the freezer to make myself for dinner and when I came out of my room to begin cooking them, the oven was turned off. He purposely turned off the stove.

I just hope I can grind it out until my lease is up.

There is a little unpleasant surprise waiting for this guy when September rolls around. When I signed the lease I had to pay first AND last months rent up front so my last month here is free.  PLUS the security deposit he has to pay me. But I’m sure he’ll come up with some bullshit story as to why he doesn’t have to pay me the security deposit.

Since my lease isn’t up until the end of September I have a little bit of time to look for another place. I’ve spied a few places already. One in Tucson and a few others in Yuma. Where I live isn’t that important but to me but PEACE AND QUIET IS!

This is what happens when you rent a room from someone. it is as they say… “you never know someone until you live with them!”.

Well I know as much as I wish to know about this person and I’m sorry to have ever agreed to the lease agreement. But I’m a man of my word and I’m sticking to the legally binding agreement. Although HE hasn’t kept his end of the lease for a single day. Oh did I tell you, during the winter he wouldn’t turn the heat on because, “it uses to much propane.” His words exactly. I had to buy a electric heater from Wal-Mart to keep from freezing to death last winter.