The good, the bad and don’t ask, “what next?”

just want to start by saying I do sincerely apologize for taking so long to write again.
wow, just noticed it was November of 2017. That’s when I moved into my own place. Now it’s August of 2018.
I can’t believe it’s been that long. I digress…

So… fo the good part
As I mentioned, I moved into my own place on Nov 3, 2017. I live in a small trailer. It’s no taj mahal, but it’s all I can afford and even better, NO lunatics.
I reside in Arizona. As I write this at 8:40AM on the 16th, it’s a cool 91 degrees. I’LL TAKE IT!!!!! LOL
The only Major bills I have are Rent, electric, food, and internet.

The rent on this trailer is the cheapest I could find in most of Arizona. That’s my main reason for moving to this area of AZ.
My electric bill is cheapest during winter months.
Big big difference from these summer months. Just hope it doesn’t go up TO much or else..”who knows?
We all know food isn’t cheap. So I have to buy a lot of certain items like pasta because let’s face it, a pound of spaghetti is a lot cheaper than a pound of hamburger.
Along with my internet payment I’m fairly broke for the rest of the month. But I’m NOT homeless!!!!!!

Even though I’ve been here almost a year now, I have very little furniture.
I’m typing this on my old laptop that sits on a 3 foot by 3 foot card table.
About a year ago I managed to score a computer chair very cheap at a thrift store and that’s what I’m sitting on now.
It’s extremely dry rotted so it’s phony leather exterior has been peeling off and looks like a dog with a case of terminal mange.

I have a TV that sits on a small stand that was donated to me by a charity organization.
All of them are fantastic people and did a great deal for me. I would love to give them a shout out but will reserve it for the time (if it comes) when I talk with them again to ask permission.

The only real extravagance I have is the queen size air mattress I bought from a large retail chain and managed to shoehorn into my tiny bedroom. (I’m a big heavyset man and a full size mattress would never have worked).
I don’t have cable. My internet is my only connection to the world at the moment. I keep up with current events by visiting various websites.

Most of my trailer park neighbors don’t speak English.
We do try to communicate but with my diminished hearing and their accent it just doesn’t work.
Sometimes it does get lonely with very few people to talk with.
Well other than the last few lines, It’s not a terrible place to live so…

The Bad part
When I left my last place of residence, I couldn’t take everything with me. I owned a minivan at the time and could only take suitcases and small furniture. I packed my van with everything that would possibly fit. I had to leave some important things behind. Like all the passenger seats to make room for what I was going to leave with. A real bed that was to big. If I tried to tie it to the roof it would have looked like I was driving around with my own source of shade.
I also had to retrieve the office chair that I am now sitting on. and a few other things I don’t now remember.
Well, about 3 weeks after I left I started getting phone calls from my previous landlord. “when are you coming to get this stuff out of here?” I tried to explain I wouldn’t be able to get there until the following month when I got paid.
That didn’t seem to phase him. He called almost daily harassing me about the situation. He also texted me daily after calling “Just to make sure I got his voicemail messages”.
Well the following month I called him early in the morning to let him know I was on my way to get the rest of my stuff. The trip there was going to take 4 hours one way for a total of 8 hours driving.
I began my trip at 8AM. I wanted to get in and out of there as quickly as possible and be back before sundown. In December, daytime is warm enough for shorts and T-shirts but at night? No way.
I arrived around 12 noon. He was not there to meet me so I called his cellphone and was told he wouldn’t be able to get there. But the gate was open so I could retrieve my things without him being there. I retrieved all of my passenger seats and the office chair. I had to leave the bed behind. Another item that was donated to me from the charity Org.

Here comes the bad part…
I started my trip back immediately. About 3 hours into the trip back, the van started to slow down and the engine was making a god awful racket.
Pulling over, I opened the hood and didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. (I’m no mechanic but if something was broken I might have been able to spot it)
The noise had stopped when I pulled the vehicle over and put it in park. So I figured it might have been that long ride down the mountain and now it had worked itself out. Very nervously, I got back in the van, put it in drive and started to pull back out onto the highway. All of a sudden there was this HUGE banging sound from the engine. It scared me half to death. I immediately pulled over and tried to put the van in park but the gear shift wouldn’t budge. That’s when I realized it was the transmission not the engine that caused that banging sound.

well… there I was, stuck on the side of the highway and it’s getting dark. I called the police and they showed up about 20 minutes.
The officer explained there was nothing they could do but call a tow truck. Well, I was broke and couldn’t afford a tow. I had insurance but didn’t have roadside assistance.
The officer called a for a tow and the guy was very sympathetic but of course he wanted to be paid.

At this point I’m going to leave off how I got the van home for another day. that’s a story all by itself. One of which I know you’ll like.

To continue…
It is late December 2017 and the van is now home.
After calling around for estimates on the cost of a transmission, either new OR rebuilt, the price fluctuated little. General estimate was right between 2500 to 3000 dollar range. At the low end, that’s more than I paid for the van so I knew at that point the van would never be driven again.
Well after telling my landlord everything I just told you guys, he says that he may know someone who can fix the transmission much cheaper.
I said “great“, let’s get him over here.
The landlord through whatever means, gets ahold of the guy. He shows up to check out the van. I figure it’s gonna take awhile, so I left him to it and went into my trailer to wait for a knock on my door from him to give me a price for fixing it.

I don’t know exactly how long it was, but I suddenly hear somebody yell, “call the fire department!” and a lot of yelling and commotion just outside my door.
I open my door to see what all the fuss is about when a cloud of black smoke smelling of burning rubber hits me full in the face. I got out of the trailer, away from the smoke to see my van going up in flames.
By the time the fire department arrived it was to late. The van was nothing more then a shell. Nothing was left.

I never did get a straight answer as to how it happened. All I know is the guy that was under the van somehow started the fire and when it became uncontainable, he ran off. I haven’t seen him since. I asked my landlord about him and he said he could have been here illegally and skipped back over the boarder to avoid any blowback.

The way things work in this world. I have to laugh sometimes or i’d never stop crying.
Just a week before the fire, I had canceled the insurance thinking I could never afford to get it fixed.

Even through all of that, it wasn’t the worst part. Just 14 days later, January 8, of 2018, at 3AM I get a text message from my brother telling me that my mother had just passed away. I lost all ability to focus on life for awhile. Needless to say I’ve been struggling ever since. The grieving never ends. You see, my brother and I, to put it lightly are estranged from one another. That’s why I got a text. He couldn’t even put his hatred of me aside to call me. What hurts even more is, I don’t hate him. I could never hate him. He’s my brother. So I grieve for my mother alone. With no family to turn to.

The End.


What Next…

It’s been over 8 months since my van burned in that fire. not having transportation has been a big struggle. My disability causes me great pain
when I have to walk anywhere. I can’t afford to take taxis so I’m pretty much a shut in most of the time.
A few months ago I found this site called, GoFundMe. I put up a plea for help to raise money for a vehicle.
If anyone can help me out, God bless you. If you can’t I’m just grateful you stopped by.
I’ll give you all the link even if you just want to see what was left of the van.

Here it is:

Thanks everyone. and oh yeah. I owe you the rest of the story so don’t go away. : )

Nothing new under the sun

People are born. They live. They die. It’s that simple right?

I think it would be,  if we had the ability to never remember a single moment of our lives.

Just think, what if? I Never remember my big sister teaching me how to ride a bike. Never remember at the ripe old age of 2 when my mother took me on a picnic. Just her and I. Never remember the shimmering rainbow of colors that seemed to float like butterflies across the beautiful lake water caused by the brightness of the noon day sun. Never remember… 

If only I could never remember…

that since the age of 5 all I wanted to do was play the guitar. Never remember my dad being my biggest fan and always cheering at the top of his lungs for me at all my music gigs back in the early days when I was 17 and played in the grimiest, dirtiest, disgusting places that would make the movie “road house” look like carnegie hall. Never remember my dad telling me how proud he was of me when I became a professional musician.  Never remember…

If only I could never remember…

the phone call I received from my aunt in 1991 telling me that my father was dead. Never remember the deep depression I suffered hearing of his death. Never remember the alcohol I always turned to that numbed me and robbed me of any and all feelings but my two lifelong companions, guilt and self loathing. Never remember my father died and we hadn’t spoken in over 20 years. Never remember…

If only I could never remember…

all the people I hurt through the years. Never remember my ex-wife leaving me because she finally had enough of a physically and emotionally abusive drunk who might kill her, or worse, harm the children. Never remember…

If only I could never remember…

spending the coldest winter on record in the state of New Jersey in the streets of burlington County.

There are a thousand more things I wish I could never remember. But the one thing I can and will not ever forget is… It is all the alcohol I ever drank that makes me wish I could,  Never remember!


(Professor Farnsworth voice), Good news everyone!

I said it would take a Miracle to find something at this time of year and I think I just got it.

I Just got off the phone with one of the places I applied to. Don’t want to jinx it but things are looking up. I’ll keep you posted.

Instead of starting a whole new post I’ll just add to this one once I know more.

Things are falling into place. I received a text from the property manager saying my background check was finished and everything is a go for move in.

The only problem I see at the moment is getting all my stuff there. I’ve accumulated more stuff since the last time I moved so now everything I have won’t fit. I’ll have to leave a  few things in a self storage unit till I can figure a way to get everything to my new home. “I can’t believe I just said that!” HOME! HOME! HOME!

All mine with no psychos to deal with. No barking dogs all day and night.

I have a hunch this will be my last and final move.  I can finally put my head down on my pillow knowing that when I wake up, I’m going to be the only one in my house! I couldn’t be happier.

So far so good. electric company will turn power on in a few days so I won’t be in the dark when I get there. Gotta  call internet company next so I don’t have downtime there. After that, Just got to get me and most of my stuff there and I’m on my way.

I’m nervous but in a good way. I’m renting this place without even seeing what the inside looks like but at this point I really don’t care. I just need to be on my own and this is my chance.

Today’s the first so I’ll start packing things up. gotta be ready to boogie on out of here on the 3rd.

On the road again!

Well , that’s it. I’m through.  I’m out of here on the 3rd of Nov.

I can’t take this mental case any longer. I’d rather be homeless then put up with this.

5 days ago, around 9:30 at night, I hear a loud knock on my door. When I open it, there are 2 police officers standing there. Shocked and confused from both sleep and the fact they were there I asked, “can I help you?” One of the officers says, “we’re just checking on you to make sure you’re ok!”  Still confused I asked, “Ok? Yeah I’m ok. Why do you ask?”

I was informed at that point this psycho had checked himself into a hospital complaining that his sugar levels were to high. The  reason for this he said? I had poisoned his insulin. And believing this to be true, he was going to come BACK to the house and kill me. THAT was the reason for the cops being there.

This is not the kind of life a 58 year old man should be living. Take my advice, avoid renting a room from ANYONE no matter how cheap it is.

Well I don’t know when my next post will be. I  have no idea where I’m going.

I’ve been trying hard to find another place but at this time of year it would be a miracle finding something

I seem to be stuck

Finding a place of my own is not looking good and the weather is beginning to change. If something doesn’t come up soon I’ll be forced to stay here even longer than I planned. I don’t want to be on the street ever again so I’ll just continue to keep my head down and hope for something to come along soon.

Wish me luck as I scourer craigslist trying to find something of my own.


Still looking

well, my quest for a new place to live continues. I’ve been trying to find a place close to this area but it doesn’t look promising.

I’ve been on craigslist everyday to check for new postings. Nothing so far. There are a few cheap places much further south.

I wouldn’t mind moving but I have to make sure my vehicle can get there. One place I’m almost certain I can rent.  But there’s no modern conveniences. (A.K.A Internet, cable) I might take it anyway just to get away from this situation.

I know it’s an adjustment for me and like most people I don’t like change. But I have learned to adapt to just about any circumstance.

It’s time for me to just be completely on my own. Even if that means living in my vehicle the rest of my life.

No matter what happens I’ll adjust. That much I’m sure of.

Well, till next month, stay safe and make sure to find joy in your life where and whenever you can.

I’m Ready!

Well, I’ve made up my mind. I have to move. I can’t take this landlords suspicious and paranoid attitude. He constantly bitches about his X wife tapping into his cellphone. Now he’s accusing me of doing it too. Anything he misplaced, lost or just plain forgot about is now stolen. And he asks me constantly where his stuff is. He’s rummaged through my cabinet that I keep my food in looking for his long lost garlic salt. He totally just threw things around looking for it and didn’t even bother to straighten the shelf up after looking and finding nothing.

Just the other day I took spareribs out of the freezer to make myself for dinner and when I came out of my room to begin cooking them, the oven was turned off. He purposely turned off the stove.

I just hope I can grind it out until my lease is up.

There is a little unpleasant surprise waiting for this guy when September rolls around. When I signed the lease I had to pay first AND last months rent up front so my last month here is free.  PLUS the security deposit he has to pay me. But I’m sure he’ll come up with some bullshit story as to why he doesn’t have to pay me the security deposit.

Since my lease isn’t up until the end of September I have a little bit of time to look for another place. I’ve spied a few places already. One in Tucson and a few others in Yuma. Where I live isn’t that important but to me but PEACE AND QUIET IS!

This is what happens when you rent a room from someone. it is as they say… “you never know someone until you live with them!”.

Well I know as much as I wish to know about this person and I’m sorry to have ever agreed to the lease agreement. But I’m a man of my word and I’m sticking to the legally binding agreement. Although HE hasn’t kept his end of the lease for a single day. Oh did I tell you, during the winter he wouldn’t turn the heat on because, “it uses to much propane.” His words exactly. I had to buy a electric heater from Wal-Mart to keep from freezing to death last winter.

On the move again

Well it seems I still haven’t found the home I’ve been looking for. I’ve been here a year this September. That’s when my lease is up. I thought I had found a home but over the months I’ve been here I realized this is NOT for me. The guy I’m renting from is emotionally unstable. He’s constantly flying off the handle about the simplest things. He’s positive that his ex-wife is messing with his cell phone just to drive him crazy. He repeatedly says he’ll kill someone if he finds out who it is that’s messing with his cell phone. Got to get a place of my own somehow. I’m sick of renting rooms from people and finding out later on that they’ve got major emotional issues and usually try to drag me into their drama. Well enough of me ranting. There’s really not much I can do at this point. Just keep my head down. try not to get in anyone’s way and get the hell out of here come the 1st of Oct. Guess it’s back to living in my vehicle of I can’t find a place before then.

Wish me luck…

will Try to keep up!


I just wrote a new post for my blog.  When I looked at the dates of my other posts I realized I had not written anything in a very long time. I apologize for that. I’ve just never been able to stick to a schedule.  And it seems to get worse with age. So I’ve decided to try a little experiment by which I’ll upload 1 or 2 posts a month till I get used to doing it on  a regular basis.

Please bare with me as I try to get things sorted out. Much has happened and I have lots to share with all of you.

Again, thank you all for stopping in.  Leave a  comment if you’d like. I would love to hear from you all.